In my personal blog, I recently talked about homekeeping chores as family rituals. After I posted that story, it was interesting to see the related post widget thingy digging up an even older post of mine: What We Do For Birthdays.
To save you from going through all the above links to work out what I'm talking about, here's a summary:
I have always felt that shared rituals are an important part of family life. Its the rituals that help us consciously celebrate caring within our family. So its important to celebrate day-to-day life AND milestones in a way that is meaningful.
However, back when I first started my journey (and right about the time I wrote my post on birthdays), I had forgotten how to celebrate milestones in a meaningful way. Birthdays consisted of *presents* - and presents fell into two categories - more or bigger.
As a child I would rip open birthday presents only to discard it 5 mins later because it had become just another toy. And the next few days afterwards was spent nagging for the next bigger present or more of the same (eg. must collect all dolls in the series).
I think such a cycle was damaging to family unity (as well as the environment) and I wanted to avoid it. So...at the time, I stopped giving birthday presents all together.
Don't get me wrong, I still gave presents - but I no longer tied presents to birthdays. Instead when I saw something meaningful that I know the children would appreciate, I bought it or made it and gave it to them then and there - I didn't wait till their birthdays.
And for their birthdays, I concentrated on the experience - not the product. I wanted to give my children experiences that they will remember all their lives.
Now at 6 years old, my daughter still remembers her 3rd birthday - when we went to Questacon and I organised a special tour with staff members just for us. She also still remembers her 4th birthday - when I took her to see Hi-5 (a children's music band) and I organised for the Hi-5 group to wave specifically to her her. (I couldn't quite swing a personal meet-up with them). I also did make her a pressie - it was a little book of her being 4 years old and I placed pictures of her as a baby and then as a "kid" (her term). She still loves reading that book. She remembers the special sleepover she had with 2 select friends and me for her 5th birthday (we "camped" in the spare bedroom). She remembers the tractor ride my ex-husband gave her as treat for her 6th birthday.
However, as I said, that post was written some time ago. And looking back at the last birthday celebrations for both my children, I realise that I *have* given my children birthday presents. It happened without me really noticing it. Perhaps its because presents *are* a deeply ingrained part of birthday celebrations? I have to say though, the presents I have given them are not *just another toy*.
My son still remembers his 4th birthday (he will be turning 5 years old soon) present. My son LOVES the Wiggles. So for his 4th birthday, he and I worked all day to turn him into a Wiggle. He helped me make his yellow Wiggle top and he watched me as I drew a caricature of him on a large piece of canvas, solemly handing me the next crayon. Then we had his birthday party where many of the adults referred to him as "S---, the yellow Wiggle". He can not remember the presents he got given except he does remember "helping Mum make me into a Wiggle".
So have I strayed from my original ideals? I guess technically I have. And that's normal and just part of growing and changing with life. However, I think in many ways, I have actually truly broken the cycle of giving *more* and *bigger* presents to make up for the lack of family ritual.
The biggest lesson I've learned from this little experiment?
That the best thing I could give my children is my 100% attention and truly sharing with them their experience of turning yet another year older. Presents can only matter when it is made or given in a way that enhances that shared experience.
I wish all of you a wonderful weekend.
(Another blog post of interest - not written by me -: Christmas Presents - Breaking the Cycle)