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Saturday, October 15, 2011

Spending to make up for parenting

by Eilleen

Hello everyone!

I'm posting this a little late. I've had such a busy week with my kids. It was the last week of school holidays in my little part of Oz. I had managed to take a week off work to be with my kids. Its been a wonderful week. We have spent much of the time swimming, going to taekwondo, and being with friends.

Anyway, today, I thought I'd share an older post of mine from my personal blog which was the very antithesis of what I have been doing this week. Its certainly made me smile and I know many out there can relate....
Spending to make up for parenting - 15 May 2009
Now that I'm on leave from work (2nd full day at home!), I've looked around my home and noticed... that my kids have gotten a hell of a lot of toys from me the last few weeks.

Its amazing how when I'm under pressure, I revert back to my old consumerist ways and use spending as a way to make up for what I see as shortfalls in my parenting. See, I know that all my kids want really want is my time and attention.. and when I fail to give it to them, then I feel that the only way I can make up for it is by spending on them.

...and the thing is I didn't even know I was doing it!! Times like these when I realise how far I have to go in this journey to be an empowered and rational consumer - one who joyfully consumes rather than one who consumes to assuage feelings of guilt and anxiety.

The thing is... I don't even know why I should feel so guilty! I know that I can't do it all (unlike Rosie the Riveter below) and that I am doing my best. But that's the rational side of me talking and as I said, my recent spending spree was not rational.
(image from edupics.com)

Funny enough, when I look back I can also see that I was also doing some positive things during those hectic times. I juggled my workload so I can be home to put the children to bed, I made sure we still had breakfast together and for the 2 nights when I ended up working all night, the children went to their grandparents and got plenty of attention there. And despite that I disregarded the value of the positive things and still fell back on using money as my way of showing my children I love them.

So this weekend, I'll be spending some time on myself and letting go of my feelings of guilt... to accept that hectic times will occur and that I do not need to spend in order to make up for my lessened time with the children.
(Image from Tsheko's photostream - displayed here under a General Attribution Licence)

So here's to a quiet and reflective weekend. I wish you the same. :)

1 comment:

Winter said...

Beautifully said. I and my husband have completely different views on the whole consumerist topic (he often says he doesn't know how a capitalist like him won the heart of a hippie like me) but I know that his viewpoint has won me over many times because of that same guilt you mentioned. I am looking at having to go back to working and my biggest concern is giving my kids what they need. I definetely used things, rather than experiences to make up for my working before, and I do not want to go back to that. It doesn't fulfill any of our needs and leads to a chaotically messy house. We have talked recently about pairing down. My oldest boys being the greatest naysayers of this idea, but i think it is time. Careful planning and time management, along with a healthy dose of releasing all of that negativity and unrealistic expectations, can win out over the guilt. Thank for the push :)